This weekend is my daughter's birthday. It is very strange that she
would be 20 this year. Time just seems to slip away. I am getting
older and really have nothing to show for it, other than the ashes of a
few cats and an angel that I hope watches over me. Hell, I don't even
have a career. No major milestones successfully achieved. It is
bleak. Every day that ticks by I see myself and my life as more and
more of a failure.
A parent expects their children to
carry on the legacy of
their family. As of now, my story will end with me, I have no one to
tell those stories with a grin and a tear. I have to wonder who will
remember me? The idea that I have ashes on a shelf that I watch over,
every now and then they catch my eye and I water up. Even these felines
have someone to miss them. I miss my daughter, even thought I will not
get to go to the cemetery to see her this weekend, I am sure she and I
will have a few one sided conversations and I will cry, a lot!. This
weekend will be hard. It makes me ponder my future and the loneliness
that is never filled. One day that loneliness will be permanent and the
dream of having children will be lost as well, yet another milestone I
failed to achieve. I miss my daughter, and the realities that would and
should have been for us both. I love you so much Kaylee.
