King of the Comforter

How dare I think I am the one in charge:

He knows that he is.........purrrrrrr fect.

Need

I am at a loss and words can not describe the place I am in. In the past, I would simple strip down and pull out my paints and canvas, head down to the studio to throw some clay, or grab my old Pentax and head somewhere unique and do a little photography, just to work out this odd emptiness. I settled for climbing up in the attic, and digging through my packed boxes of thrown pottery. My art has been hidden for 3 years, and it was a welcoming sight. It is amazing to me that the changes in my life have yet to diminish the need to create. I feel empty and bottled up all at the same time. Without a real outlet to ebb that instinct, I feel trapped, dissatisfied. Although seeing my work, holding it in my (now grubby) hands helps, it still does not quiet the restrained bohemian in me.

Image: The Beautiful Lady without Pity by Dicksee

Not sure why, or if there really has to be a reason, but this poem popped into my head. It is one of my favorites by my favorite poet. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

La Belle Dame sans Merci
by John Keats

Oh What can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

Alone and palely loitering?

The sedge has withered from the lake,

And no birds sing.

Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

So haggard and so woe-begone?

The squirrel's granary is full,

And the harvest's done.

I see a lily on they brow,

With anguish moist and fever-dew,

And on thy cheeks a fading rose

Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,

Full beautiful- a faery's child,

her hair was long, her foot was light,

And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for hr head,

And bracelets too, and fragrant zone:

She looked at ma as she did love,

And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,

And nothing else saw all day long,

For sidelong would she bend, and sing

A Faery's song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,

And honey wild, and manna-dew,

And sure in language strange she said-

'I love thee true'.

She took me to her elfin grot,

And there she wept and sighed full sore,

And there I shut her wild wild eyes

With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep

And there I dreamed-Ah! woe betide!-

The latest dream I ever dreamt

On the cold hill side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,

Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;

They cried-'La Belle Dame sans Merci

Hath thee in thrall!'

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,

With horrid warning gaped wide,

And I awoke and found me here,

On the cold hill's side.

And this is why I sojourn here

Alone and palely loitering,

Though the sedge is withered form the lake,

And no birds sing.

Smellie kids sent home

I went and spent 10$ to get my nails done today. Something I normally don't do. And while sitting there having polish and shine added to my tips the news did a story on students in California that got sent home from school because of the way they smelled. Ha ha...Ok...don't worry if they can add 2 +2, or spell perfume, but if they have too much deodorant, perfume, cologne on, send them home. I think a better resolution would be to send them to the locker rooms and get them to take a shower. But no, the school decided instead to jeopardize their education and give them the rest of the day off. WOW, lucky kids. Stupid principal! Lets see how many kids reek tomorrow?

Battle-vs-Challenge

Throughout my life I have been handed many obstacles. Between loosing my daughter to SIDS and my husband committing suicide, my life has been less than perfect to say the least. However, for the past 5 years, I have been facing an even tougher labyrinth. The maze to find myself.


After a collection of failed relationships, I decided to take a little time off for me. I may never finish this marathon, but it has been worth every year, month, week, day, hour, minute, and second of it. It has taken a long time, but I have found a place where I feel at ease. A place where I can stop running, and take look at the beauty around me.After years of floundering for significance, I discovered a world of dreams, desires, friends, and needs. And in this World, there are people that accept you as you are, yes they ask questions, but only because they want to understand the reason for who you have become. They accept your faults as a unique texture of YOU.


I am comfortable in my skin these days and do not question the reason as to why I am happier now than I have been in years. I have friends out side of this world that may never know or understand what the Lifestyle is about. I am sure one day there will come a reason that they must need know. I have no doubt that some will accept my choices, and know for a fact that others will not. When that day comes, I will have more decisions to make and hope that I make the right ones. I have a very close friend in the Lifestyle, and she is having to make those choices at a young age. I only hope that I handle the same challenge with as much grace and guidance as she.


Once upon a time, the idea of dieing gave me a comfortable tingle. I have not had those thoughts in about 5 months. Life is no longer a battle, but a challenge. And I thank all of my new friends for everything they have done for me. You have found a place in my heart and I have found a place where I belong.