just a bad day!

Last night i went to see my Sir.  I kind of left home in a hurry and didn't tell my aunt that I was leaving.  Guess she never discovered that I had left because when I did get back to the house, it was locked up tight, chains and all.  That left the only other option, the back door.  Not that big of a deal, except for spiders and one crazy K-9 fondly named Monster.  I opened the gate and made my way through the back yard in pitch dark dreading 2 things: spider webs, and the Monster!  sure enough Monster comes running jumps up and nearly knocks me over,  I got all wet and icky, made my way to the door, fought off Monster. At this point I know that he is getting me all dirty and nasty, but other than knocking the shit out of him, there is little I can do.  I get in, turn on the light and see that I am covered with blood.  WTF!!!  The dog has managed to slice his neck open and is bleeding all over the place, his tong hanging, tail wagging, hyper active self, was to excited to see me to pay any attention to the fact that he was hurt.  I cleaned him up, it was fairly bad, but figured he would live.  So this morning, I take him to the vet, can't give him stitches, so they give him shots,and meds.  I go home, the cable is out and has been since Friday, so the AT&T guy gets here and "fixes the problem!"  Woo Hoo, Tina can watch her TV, she is doing good.  However, I go back to send my Sir a message, cause i did tell Him i would send them all day to cheer him up a little, and the Internet connection is messed up!  I call AT&T, they say "We can have a guy out on Wednesday, is that fine?"  UHMMMM NO!!!! not cool.  After a few words, I was able to get them to see the situation my way, and they finely came to an understanding that someone would be out today.  I get my connection fixed and wouldn't you know it, a little storm cell passes over, lightning strikes, and blink, no electricity!  I had dinner in the oven, T-Bones at that, now trash.  I think this is one of those days where I should have stayed in bed!

Bad Week

This last week has been full of pain and insecurities. I found out that my dad has cancer and had to have surgery Monday. He survived the ordeal, but in the meantime alienated me to the point that I still can not talk to him with out getting angry, so I have not talked to him. We are waiting on the lab results to see if they got all of the cancer or if he will have to go trough another surgery. He will have to go through chemo either way.

This week I had the carpet pulled out from under my feet and I am trying to gain footing again. My D/s family found a crack in our foundation and we are currently trying to find a way to seal the cracks. While I am trying to deal with my Dad, not having a job, and now this, I am afraid that I have found myself in a very strange head space. My BFF laughed as said that she remembers this version of me. It is the bitch, as she fondly calls it. Said "it is the Gemini in me" coming out. I kind of like this kick ass version of me, but fear that it will jeopardize my D/s relationship. I hope I am back to normal soon.

vacation

I have never really gone on vacation.  At least not one that I can come right out and say "That was some vacation."  I remember as a kid going places with my parents for a day or two and sleeping at hotels that were less than lush, to say the least.  I remember going to Nashville with my grandmother for a few days when I was 12, but other than that...a real vacation as an adult is something I have never gotten to experience.  The last week has been something of a vacation.  I went to my class reunion, took my sister.  The rest of the week I spent with my D/s family.  I didn't even come home to feed the cats.  I just stayed away from vanilla.  In many ways, that was the best vacation I could ever have asked for.  I spent a lot of time just getting back in touch with me, myself, my Sir, and my sister.  I got to do a lot of thinking and learning and self exploring.  Although I have had 7 days off, it feels more like 2 and the time is slipping away. 

I am beginning to wonder if I ever really liked my job to begin with.  I really do not miss it one bit.  Don't get me wrong, I miss the kids and their silly little comments and antics, but I really do not miss working with the people I worked with.   Now all I have to do is find a job before my car gets repoed!  Crossing my fingers and taking leaps.

Force

Change has always been something that I avoid.  That fear of the unknown and the comfort of the regular have always kept me fairly reliable.   I don't end relationships.  I don't change jobs with out external cause.  Graduating from college caused me major mental trauma.  It has happened on a few occasions, that I was forced to change direction and my even keel was thrown off, and it always took me a few days to get back to level.  However, I really hate not knowing what is around the corner.  Not having a job, because I was let go from mine a few days ago, is creating some interesting feelings.  For instance, this evening, I feel like I am forgetting something.  Like there is something very important I was supposed to take care of or do.  It is eating at me, building up by paranoia and making me anxious.  I can not for the life of me figure out what I forgot.  I am sure it is because I do not have to do the many little chors I used to do on Wednesday.  I don't have to go to the store and get supplies for the class room.  I don't have to research the topic for discussion, or plan an introduction.  I don't even have to do laundry (my uniform)  for tomorrow.  The only thing I have to do is rest and recover and try not to let this "idle" state drive me insane.  Both my nervous and my hyper active energies are trying to coexist and it might just make me go crazy.  They battle back and forth, putting me in the strangest moods and frame of mind.  I know that in a day or two, I should be used to this life of leisure and that scares me the most.  How do you go from being so busy, that you often forget to eat, to having more than enough time to devour a whole banquet by yourself?