Force

Change has always been something that I avoid.  That fear of the unknown and the comfort of the regular have always kept me fairly reliable.   I don't end relationships.  I don't change jobs with out external cause.  Graduating from college caused me major mental trauma.  It has happened on a few occasions, that I was forced to change direction and my even keel was thrown off, and it always took me a few days to get back to level.  However, I really hate not knowing what is around the corner.  Not having a job, because I was let go from mine a few days ago, is creating some interesting feelings.  For instance, this evening, I feel like I am forgetting something.  Like there is something very important I was supposed to take care of or do.  It is eating at me, building up by paranoia and making me anxious.  I can not for the life of me figure out what I forgot.  I am sure it is because I do not have to do the many little chors I used to do on Wednesday.  I don't have to go to the store and get supplies for the class room.  I don't have to research the topic for discussion, or plan an introduction.  I don't even have to do laundry (my uniform)  for tomorrow.  The only thing I have to do is rest and recover and try not to let this "idle" state drive me insane.  Both my nervous and my hyper active energies are trying to coexist and it might just make me go crazy.  They battle back and forth, putting me in the strangest moods and frame of mind.  I know that in a day or two, I should be used to this life of leisure and that scares me the most.  How do you go from being so busy, that you often forget to eat, to having more than enough time to devour a whole banquet by yourself?