Mother's Day...

A very Innocent day of celebration for children to say
that they love their Mom.   It's a hard day for me.  I call my mom and grand mother, wish them A HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY, chat for a minute or two, get off the phone, lay in bed and cry. 

Holidays are often hard.  Christmas, Thanks Giving, Kaylee's birthday...and Mother's Day.  I don't get to get the typical fan fair, or celebrate like other mothers.  Everywhere I go I hear  "Happy Mother's Day."  I smile and politely respond the expected "Thank You."  when in truth, all I want to do is cry.    


This year has been the most difficult.  I began to dwell on the the little moments I have missed and will miss.  Her first prom, first homecoming, Christmas mornings around the tree, and the wonderful home made Mother's Day cards and other little moments and memories. Lately I have been focusing on the fact that she would be a Senior in High school this year, and getting ready to graduate.     

I can't even go to see her at the cemetery today  (sometimes that helps), she is too far away now.

So I compose myself long enough to pick up the phone and make the obligatory Happy Mother's Day phone calls to give my Mom and Grandmother something to look forward to next year, because this year I just can't make it home, "But maybe next year Mom. I love You."

 It's hard, and sometimes I just need a hug, but the idea of seeing my mom only brings my loss closer to heart.  I love my mom so much, I tell her so all the time.  I have to wonder if Kaylee would have done the same for me. 

There is a hole in my heart, and today it really hurts.